How many Gardnerians does it take to change a lightbulb?
13; consistng entirely of man-woman working couples.
How many Radical feminists does it take?
7; one to do it, two to organize the creche and four to debate the meaning of the word unscrew.
How many Crowleyites does it take?
They can’t. Aleister didn’t leave any instructions.
How many Chaos magicians does it take?
They don’t need to; they are used to working in the dark.
How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
2; one to change it, one not to change it.
How many Zen Masters does it take?
None. The universe changes the light bulb and the Zen Master gets the hell out of the way!
How many Gardnerians does it take?
a) I can’t say. It’s oathbound.
b) I can’t tell you; you’re not a third-circle initiate!
How many Alexandrians does it take?
Same number as Gardnerians.
How many Dianic women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
That’s W-I-M-M-I-N, and that’s not funny!
How many Solitaries does it take?
(The answer should be obvious…)
How many Dianics does it take?
Only one, but that bulb has really got to want to change.
How many witches does it take?
a) None; if a candle was good enough for Gramma it’s good enough for me!
b) Depends what you want it turned into…
How many Asatruar does it take?
None. The light from the burning monastery is sufficient, thank you.
How many Druids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
They don’t screw in light bulbs, they screw in stone circles.
How many Druids does it take?
13; one to hold the bulb, and twelve to drink enough to make the room spin.
How many ceremonial magicians does it take?
1; he stands still with the bulb, and the universe revolves around him.
How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb?
Aries: Just one. You want to make something of it?
Taurus: One, but just try to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
Gemini: Two, but the job never gets done — they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it’s supposed to be done.
Cancer: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.
Leo: Leo’s don’t change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they’re out.
Virgo: Approximately 1.000000000000000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.
Libra: Er, two. Or maybe one. No — on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you?
Scorpio: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.
Sagittarius: The sun in shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Capricorn: I don’t waste my time with these childish jokes.
Aquarius: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so…..
Pisces: Light bulb? What light bulb?