Category: Humour

Wicca is not a solemn and staid religion, just as life is not always serious. It is important to not take yourself too seriously, so take a look at these examples of Wiccan jokes and one-liners and have a laugh.

Your Neighbour Might Be A Witch If…

Fifty sure-fire ways to detect Paganism without having to resort to a dunking stool or wart-inspection.

1) Never puts any rubbish out on refuse-collection day. I mean, re-cycling and composting is fine, but you can take it too far.

2) You casually ask what phase the moon is in, and she tells you down to the exact number of days, hour and minute of rising, position on horizon, and current angle of declination.

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Modern New Age Affirmations

Read about how to create and use positive affirmations, or have a laugh at some affirmations that may not be too out of place in our modern world:

As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

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Letter to Pagan Parents

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Thomas,

I write this letter in concern of your daughter, Aradia Moon. Please don’t take this the wrong way, however, although she is a straight A student and a very bright child, she has some strange habits that I feel we should address.

Every morning before class, she insists on walking around the room with her pencil in the air. She says she is “drawing down the moon.” I told her art class is in an hour and to please refrain until then to do any drawing.

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Keeping Summoned Beings As Pets

Why keeping summoned beings as pets is a bad idea…

They may be cute and cuddly when they’re little, but they tend to grow. Fast. Into something large.

You can’t flush your overgrown summoned pet down the toilet and no pound will take one. (Trust me on this one. )

Unless you spay or neuter them, they will breed, quickly.

Good luck trying to find a vet that will spay or neuter one…

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The Interfaith Community Project

As part of an Interfaith community project, a right wing Christian priest, a rabbi, and a Pagan priestess decided that in order to improve relations in the community, they will go on a fishing trip together on a local pond. They’re out in the boat, and the Pagan priestess excuses herself to go to the bathroom back on the shore. She gets out, walks across the water back to shore, and then walks back across the water to the boat.

The Christian priest looks in amazement, crosses himself, and they continue fishing. It comes on about noon time, and the rabbi realizes they left their lunches back on shore. So he gets up, walks across the water to the shore, retrieves the lunches, and walks back across the water to the boat.

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Eve of Midwinter

‘Twas the Eve of Midwinter, and all through the Coven
The witches were cooking strange things in the oven.

There were mugwort frittatas and Dragon’s Blood stew
And Mescaline eggnog and Mandrake fondue.

There were hot mountain oysters and road-kill pate’
And Spotted-Owl kidneys, and wombat flambe’.

The Circle was cast and the herbs had been smoked
In hopes that the Goddess would soon be invoked.

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Circle Etiquette

Never summon anything you can’t banish.

Never put asafoetida on the rocks in the sweat lodge.

Do not attempt to walk more than 10 paces while wearing all of your ritual jewelry, dream bags and crystals at the same time.

When proposing to initiate someone, do not mention the Great Rite, leer, and say, “Hey, your trad or mine?”

Never laugh at someone who is skyclad. They can see you, too.

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