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HumourIt's always important to be able to laugh, and remember that religion doesn't have to be staid and solemn. Some of the best Pagan and Wiccan jokes and funny pieces of writing are in this section. Bill Gates' Book on Wicca
1. The book would be called Windows to the Goddess.2. Iconology was be a major chapter. 3. A revised edition would be released approximately every 6 months without which your magic would no longer work. 4. Your broom would crash at least once a week. 5. Cauldrons would be called recycle bins. 6. A book of shadows would be called the folder of magic. 7. A free high speed connection spell would come with every book. 8. Ever now and then, your circle would collapse and you would have to perform the reboot ritual to get it working. 9. If you used the ... Tags: humour Candles Are Blowin' Out
How many robes can a Witch igniteWhile dancing too close to the flame? How many words from the Grimm Brothers' tales Can you really expect to "reclaim"? And how many chants fall as flat as a tack When you mispronounce each Sacred Name? Chorus: The candles, my friend, are blowin' out again. The candles are blowin' out again. How many times can the incense go wild And firemen break down your door? How many times can athames get dropped And spear peoples' feet to the floor? Yes, and how many times can you brandish your w... Tags: humour Circle Etiquette
Never summon Anything you can't banish.Never put asafoetida on the rocks in the sweat lodge. Do not attempt to walk more than 10 paces while wearing all of your ritual jewelry, dream bags and crystals at the same time. When proposing to initiate someone, do not mention the Great Rite, leer, and say, "Hey, your trad or mine?" Never laugh at someone who is skyclad. They can see you, too. Never, ever set the Witch on fire. Looking at nifty pictures is not a valid path to mastering the ancient grimoires. Please read thoroughly and carefully from beginning to end so that your ma... Tags: humour Eve of Midwinter
'Twas the Eve of Midwinter, and all through the CovenThe witches were cooking strange things in the oven. There were mugwort frittatas and Dragon's Blood stew And Mescaline eggnog and Mandrake fondue. There were hot mountain oysters and road-kill pate' And Spotted-Owl kidneys, and wombat flambe'. The Circle was cast and the herbs had been smoked In hopes that the Goddess would soon be invoked. When out by the hot-tub arose such a clatter I jumped on my broom to see what was the matter. And what should I see in the Blackberry thorns But a soaking wet God... Tags: humour Keeping Summoned Beings
Why keeping summoned beings as pets is a bad idea...They may be cute and cuddly when they're little, but they tend to grow. Fast. To something large. You can't flush your overgrown summoned pet down the toilet and no pound will take one. (Trust me on this one. ) Unless you spay or neuter them, they will breed, quickly. Good luck trying to find a vet that will spay or neuter one... The feeding costs are astronomical. New Age shops are very expensive. Oh, sorry, I meant "astrological". An exotic summoned pet is very difficult to feed. Museums start suspecting your interests i... Tags: humour Letter To Pagan Parents
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Thomas,I write this letter in concern of your daughter, Aradia Moon. Please don't take this the wrong way, however, although she is a straight A student and a very bright child, she has some strange habits that I feel we should address. Every morning before class, she insists on walking around the room with her pencil in the air. She says she is "drawing down the moon." I told her art class is in an hour and to please refrain until then to do any drawing. And speaking of art class, whenever she draws a night sky, she insists on drawing little circles around all the stars and peop... Tags: humour Pagan Lightbulb Jokes
How many Gardnerians does it take to change a lightbulb?13; consistng entirely of man-woman working couples. How many Radical feminists does it take? 7; one to do it, two to organize the creche and four to debate the meaning of the word unscrew. How many Crowleyites does it take? They can't. Aleister didn't leave any instructions. How many Chaos magicians does it take? They don't need to; they are used to working in the dark. How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb? 2; one to change it, one not to change it. ... Tags: humour You Might Be Technopagan
If your athame has a SCSI interface...If your OBE's begin with a netsplit... If your priest robes conceal a pocket protector... If you calculate the phases of the moon with Windows '95... If your altar has a keyboard... If drawing down a circle is a POST (power on self test)... If you call the Watch Towers on your cell-tell... If you do most of your correspondence by email and sign off with Blessed Be... If you don't call it a ritual, you call it a Macro... If you end a circle with Ctl-Alt-Del... If you have ever attached ribbons t... Tags: humour |
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